Afterlife Online

When someone passes away, their Facebook profile, or other online identities is not something (or at least the first thing) someone thinks of. However, today Facebook is often the first thing we turn to in order to create a remembrance group for that person. This topic is very near to me as one of my brothers classmates suddenly passed away last week. At only the age of 17 he touched so many kids at his school with his amazing personality and permanent smile. The group dedicated to him was created that night and within 3 days of his passing had 1200 members. With multiple posts of memories, condolences and more it was evident this boy had a great impact on the world through which Facebook has helped demonstrate. Facebook has brought together all those people who knew him—friends, coworkers, teammates and family—and provided a place for them to share thoughts and feelings in such a difficult time. The wall posts were quite amazing to read and the importance of Facebook in helping people in such a saddened state was very evident. This goes to show how social media sites have also reshaped our relationship with those who pass away.

A few weeks ago when I first decided to write about this topic, my view was that during the immediate time after a death, Facebook offers a great means to pay your respects, condolences and tribute to that person’s life. However I thought it was a whole different ball game if 2 years later that person still exists online.

Now having seen how helpful this can be for people, my view has changed. I suggest people do whatever they need to. Perhaps this will only help us not forget about those who have passed away. In the past, when life gets busy, we often forget about that graveyard, however this online memorial is convenient and as it’s something we log onto daily, we always see it and have access to it daily.

A fellow classmate of mine has already touched upon this topic of our profile’s existence after we pass away and the discussion that arose from it resulted in the notion that a group dedicated to someone was a great remembrance but leaving their Facebook profile active may be unhealthy. I don’t think I personally would want my Facebook profile still activated after I’m gone. However, I do know a girl who passed away 2 years ago and her profile is still online, and has recent messages from loved ones. Doesn’t this just prolong the grievance stage? Before this recent death I would have agreed but now I feel as though it’s just something nice to do and provides comfort. I know myself that when I feel distant from someone, a simple form of one-way communication (whether it’s writing them an email or posting a comment on their Facebook page) makes me feel closer to them and stimulates a form of conversation. However, I’m not sure if this is healthy to do frequently for two years after someone passes away, but who am I to judge. Facebook profiles do provide a nice bibliography of one’s life at time and allow for others to gather a sense of who they were. None the less the ability for us to have access to this is changing our relationships. It’s creating or carrying on our relationship with someone after they have died, and this has never been done before. Visiting one’s gravestone is not the same as writing on their Facebook wall. Or is it? As you can see this topic is of great debate and I almost feel like it comes down to personal opinion as it is such a touchy subject. While writing this blog I even find myself going back and forth between what I actually think and feel is appropriate with regard to Facebook accounts of those who have passed away and Facebook group memorials for them.

Facebook has included a claim that once they are notified that someone has passed away they leave their page up for 30 days. 30 days. Is that the allotted amount of time social media sites are suggesting it should take for a proper grievance? Everything seems to have it’s boundaries in the virtual world (as in number of characters to tell how you feel when changing our status, or messaging someone on Facebook).

Another issue with keeping Facebook profiles years after they’ve passed away is found in this article where a disturbed student found Facebook suggesting that she reconnect with a friend who had passed away but still had an activated profile. I feel as though because I have not been in a specific situation where I’ve lost a really close friend who also has Facebook I’m not sure which I would prefer: to still have her page or for it to be gone. As long as one is using the page as a memorial, and visiting once in awhile to remind them of their awesome friend or family, then it is definitely an amazing tool. But when the profile is accessed daily and that person is still suffering from letting go, then perhaps it shouldn’t be kept… what are your thoughts? What do you want done to your Facebook profile? And has it been meaningful to have memorials to you like I know it has to my brother’s friends and my classmates? It’s definitely not something I thought about until I was questioned about it!

I'll leave you with a quote displaying our new social changes because of our engagement in sites like Facebook.

“Facebook and other social networking sites like it have increasingly become places where college students live and, in some cases, die”