This blog will focus on how our DECISION to engage in social networking sites and instant messaging applications has reshaped relationships and created and/or increased expectations (in regards to keeping in touch and keeping others informed) of behaviours in interpersonal relationships.
This is the final project for my 4th year seminar class: Citizen Media and the Public Sphere.
To sum up this series of blog posts I want to introduce to you the two main perspectives of the internet. It is evident that the internet can have an overwhelming affect on our relationships once we decide to engage in it; however there are polarized views as to whether this effect is negative or positive.
The utopian position is that the internet will make it easier for people to communicate politically, and socially. This view promotes the public-sphere as democratic and connective.
In contrast, the dystopian perspective is that the internet has the potential to negatively affect communication by altering the practices and spaces. This view claims that we lose democracy as the society loses its ties to each other and individuals become isolated.
After a lot of thought, I believe that I am much closer to the utopian view than the dystopian view. Although the internet does make for less face-to-face interaction with friends, it is definitely creating a forum of civic engagement. We are keeping in touch with more people, rather than just a few, and we are participating in our culture, both politically and socially. By engaging in blogging, or twitter or even Facebook, we are keeping up-to-date with news events and therefore actually “thinking” more than before. As described in one of the lectures: at least by being on the internet chatting, researching or playing online games with others we are doing something, putting ourselves out there, instead of lazing around the TV with which we have no real interaction with. The idea of two-way communication that the internet provides gives us, the individual, a lot more power. No longer can we just sit back and listen to the politicians and marketers we can now talk back with our own educated opinions. The digital revolution empowers individuals by allowing them to question the advice of many authoritative figures. This is providing a more democratic and interactive medium that will definitely have a positive effect.
What’s your view? What do you see for the future of the internet?
Along with many things in life, we often find ourselves in a love-hate relationship with the internet. Its ability to provide constant communication and wide dissemination of information takes the bully and victim relationship to a new level. It has left the four walls of a cafeteria and has escalated through the internet. The bullying is constant now rather than just at school. With the use of email and websites, victims of bullying are now feeling trapped. This is truly a parent’s worst nightmare and even worse for the victims. To feel as though they no longer have the freedom to log onto the public sphere without being harassed or put down is horrible. What is more unfortunate is that because of our freedom of speech rights many internet providers refuse to take down hate-sites. David Knight is a prime example of this. David had a hate-site created about him by fellow classmates. The site contained immature, false comments about him. He would also receive cruel emails that left him in tears. His parents felt helpless as on multiple occasions they contacted the website service pleading with them to take it down but service providers refused. It became evident for them that the only means of getting what they wanted was to pay the website to take it down. It is sad that a situation like this strictly comes down to ethics. Is it morally ok to let this young boy suffer at the expense of allowing these young kids their right to freedom of speech? Another heartbreaking story about cyber-bullying has to do with young, Megan Meier. Here is her story:
It is unbelievable that deaths (like this) are occurring, yet cyber-bullying still hasn’t been taken as serious as it should. Authorities need to grasp how devastating it is for young kids to be humiliated. To these kids their reputation is everything. How do you feel about the question of ethics in cyber-bullying? Do you feel they should be allowed to keep the site up or do you think that David should have the right to have it taken down?
When someone passes away, their Facebook profile, or other online identities is not something (or at least the first thing) someone thinks of. However, today Facebook is often the first thing we turn to in order to create a remembrance group for that person. This topic is very near to me as one of my brothers classmates suddenly passed away last week. At only the age of 17 he touched so many kids at his school with his amazing personality and permanent smile. The group dedicated to him was created that night and within 3 days of his passing had 1200 members. With multiple posts of memories, condolences and more it was evident this boy had a great impact on the world through which Facebook has helped demonstrate. Facebook has brought together all those people who knew him—friends, coworkers, teammates and family—and provided a place for them to share thoughts and feelings in such a difficult time. The wall posts were quite amazing to read and the importance of Facebook in helping people in such a saddened state was very evident. This goes to show how social media sites have also reshaped our relationship with those who pass away.
A few weeks ago when I first decided to write about this topic, my view was that during the immediate time after a death, Facebook offers a great means to pay your respects, condolences and tribute to that person’s life. However I thought it was a whole different ball game if 2 years later that person still exists online.
Now having seen how helpful this can be for people, my view has changed. I suggest people do whatever they need to. Perhaps this will only help us not forget about those who have passed away. In the past, when life gets busy, we often forget about that graveyard, however this online memorial is convenient and as it’s something we log onto daily, we always see it and have access to it daily.
A fellow classmate of mine has already touched upon this topic of our profile’s existence after we pass away and the discussion that arose from it resulted in the notion that a group dedicated to someone was a great remembrance but leaving their Facebook profile active may be unhealthy. I don’t think I personally would want my Facebook profile still activated after I’m gone. However, I do know a girl who passed away 2 years ago and her profile is still online, and has recent messages from loved ones. Doesn’t this just prolong the grievance stage? Before this recent death I would have agreed but now I feel as though it’s just something nice to do and provides comfort. I know myself that when I feel distant from someone, a simple form of one-way communication (whether it’s writing them an email or posting a comment on their Facebook page) makes me feel closer to them and stimulates a form of conversation. However, I’m not sure if this is healthy to do frequently for two years after someone passes away, but who am I to judge. Facebook profiles do provide a nice bibliography of one’s life at time and allow for others to gather a sense of who they were. None the less the ability for us to have access to this is changing our relationships. It’s creating or carrying on our relationship with someone after they have died, and this has never been done before. Visiting one’s gravestone is not the same as writing on their Facebook wall. Or is it? As you can see this topic is of great debate and I almost feel like it comes down to personal opinion as it is such a touchy subject. While writing this blog I even find myself going back and forth between what I actually think and feel is appropriate with regard to Facebook accounts of those who have passed away and Facebook group memorials for them.
Facebook has included a claim that once they are notified that someone has passed away they leave their page up for 30 days. 30 days. Is that the allotted amount of time social media sites are suggesting it should take for a proper grievance? Everything seems to have it’s boundaries in the virtual world (as in number of characters to tell how you feel when changing our status, or messaging someone on Facebook).
Another issue with keeping Facebook profiles years after they’ve passed away is found in this article where a disturbed student found Facebook suggesting that she reconnect with a friend who had passed away but still had an activated profile. I feel as though because I have not been in a specific situation where I’ve lost a really close friend who also has Facebook I’m not sure which I would prefer: to still have her page or for it to be gone. As long as one is using the page as a memorial, and visiting once in awhile to remind them of their awesome friend or family, then it is definitely an amazing tool. But when the profile is accessed daily and that person is still suffering from letting go, then perhaps it shouldn’t be kept… what are your thoughts? What do you want done to your Facebook profile? And has it been meaningful to have memorials to you like I know it has to my brother’s friends and my classmates? It’s definitely not something I thought about until I was questioned about it!
I'll leave you with a quote displaying our new social changes because of our engagement in sites like Facebook.
With this wonderful world of the internet, companies now have a FREE means to reach MANY people. This is a marketer's dream. However there is a new relationship created here from social media sites that is different from the traditional magazine or TV ads. Recently I came across the Sobeys Facebook Page, as many businesses have, and posted on there was a complaint about how Sobeys closed one of their stores in the small town of Thamesville, Ontario. This lady was quite upset because it was the only place to get groceries within her community that happens to be filled mainly with elderly citizens. After a few days they had still not replied to her comment and so she posted again saying how dare you not reply…do you not care if they have food? With that a comment was posted by Sobeys addressing the issue in a board manner. From this it dawned on me that although yes, companies are able to better reach their target audience and for a great benefit as there is no cost, they will in turn be expected to respond to complaints formally while all of their other consumers read on. This really changes the consumer company relationship. Continuing to read on with their posts it was interesting to see that with any comment made to Sobey's statuses (which were ongoing promotions of new products) Sobeys would quickly respond to help with any questions people posted. We could say that Sobeys now has an obligation to consumers to quickly and effectively answer questions as their reputation will be at stake if they don't. With the questions being posted on Facebook, where everyone can see, they have millions of customers looking on as they deal with their issues. Again, this is a very new to consumer-company relationship as we have never been exposed to this sort of two-way communication. Customer complaints have traditionally been filed through phone calls or letters which is obviously more private than Facebook. What do you think this will mean for customer service (which we have so often complained about)? I think if companies continue to show that they are actively using Facebook to advertise then they are now expected to take their customer service to this level of constant communication as well. Do you think this may scare some companies away from sites like Facebook?
So much for free advertising without strings attached eh?
You know the moment before going to a job interview, when you want to make sure you are well put together, you have practiced interview questions and feel like you "look the part"? Well now thanks to Facebook, and other social media sites, we are expected to make sure we are always in that composure. The Web is the new reference check. Not only are we required to provide references, employers are now taking it upon themselves to "check up on us". A new expectation in an employer-employee relationship is to filter your Facebook appropriately and double check your Google Juice! Employers are turning to the internet to find out as much as they can about you before hiring you as well as once you're hired; your reputation reflects their reputation. Inappropriate wall posts from friends, pictures, and statuses could all jeopardize your career. Employers aren't the only ones, as many students fear this reference check as they apply for co-op or teacher's college. I know I've had many friends change their names on Facebook for the time being in hopes that they can bypass being screened online. However I'm not sure if this avoidance is what is best for this emerging change in our relationship with prospective employers. As one of my fellow classmates wrote in her blog, during a resume workshop they informed her that prospective employers actually want to see your presence online. They want you to be established in our new culture of Facebook and Twitter and want your online presence to show your passion in your career choice. This provides us with tools to enhance our attractiveness to an employer. It's convenient and easy and shifts the power into our hands rather than solely in the hands of past employers.
Here is a great video that looks into the privacy issues of Employers looking up our background information online. In the video some give their opinion of whether employers should be allowed and I think one lady says it best as she agrees that employers should be able to look because "it is like leaving your diary on a public bench". If we are willing to be that honest and open with Facebook (which millions have access too) then I feel there is no reason Employers shouldn't check up on our "Google Juice" as well. What do you think?
As I have mentioned it is not only employers who are using the Web as a reference check. Here is a great example of Prosecutors checked up on a young girl's MySpace page and sent her to prison for 2 years.
Another scary, yet real example of the repercussions of your Facebook status, is that my boyfriend is now just about to enter his clinical placement for his post grad degree in Diagnostic Cardiac Sonography (Ultrasound of the heart), before going into their placement they were sent information about being aware of their professionalism and social media. The main message was to make them aware that the medical profession is a privilege to be a part of and no laughing matter so make sure you act appropriately online. Then they provide a story of how a past student who was 3 weeks from completing his placement a co-worker noticed something on his Facebook. His friends thought it would be a joke, and without him knowing changed his profile placing an offensive statement about specific female anatomy under his education title. With that his career was called into question. My point here is to make people aware of and strongly urge them to realize the change in relationships that has been made by us engaging in social media.
When you just break up with someone, or when you just start dating someone, or when you're going through a rough patch the first thing that comes into mind is.... your Facebook relationship status! For some reason we all feel it necessary to be completely honest with Facebook. And since it plays such an important role in our daily lives it is the first thing we think of, especially with changes in our relationships. Never before would we want to immediately announce the start of a relationship or break up to all our friends. In fact the crazy part is that it is not just our "close friends" on Facebook like discussed in my last post, we've decided that the moment we figure out our relationship status we need to tell the world (of Facebook). Although there are a few people out there who have gone through these stages of changing relationship status and choosen to hide it, I would say the majority don't. Since we choose to publically display it people have now created the new behaviour of commenting on it. Personally, commenting when someone becomes single is an awkward thing to do, what exactly is the right thing to say? I know I often just feel bad for the person.
Not only are people updating hundreds of people on their relationship status because of our (intense) engagement on Facebook, they are also willing to abide by the categories Facebook presents for our relationships. We (as users of Facebook) are choosing to be considered single, in a relationship, it's complicated, engaged, or married. In response to this categorization, I came across a great blog about Facebook relationships that says "if statuses were to truly represent the real world, then the only honest status would be "it's complicated"(Jed Brubaker). I completely agree relationships are a rollercoaster! It is interesting to see how we've let Facebook redefine our relationship and how we have given Facebook so much power. I am a prime example of giving Facebook power as when my friend recently broke up with her boyfriend, the first things I reminded her of was to make sure she hid her relationship status on Facebook or else her "has now become single" would show up on everyone's news feed. We can see how much Facebook has even reshaped our thought process. Perhaps, one could almost say it is a new expectation of a good friend to remind her of things like this.
It's not just social networking sites that have had an affect on relationships, instant messaging has greatly too. Through texting and MSN we have created expectations that our partner will keep us updated all the time. This creates more opportunity for fights when a partner "disappears" because they have not informed the other about what they are doing. Since so many of us always have a cell phone, and some even have internet them, we are expected to be in constant communication. Showing affection has also been redefined. All of a sudden the number of posts on each other’s walls, screen names and emails dictate the amount of love felt for one another. And jealousy sparks when someone from the opposite sex writes on their wall, or talks to them too much whether through MSN or texting (I know I have been guilty of this before). For me it is very evident that we have created new expectations and reshaped our relationships because of the immediacy of our communication tools today.
I want to make sure my point is clear that I am not in any way suggesting Facebook has caused these changes, but that our choice to rank Facebook of high importance in our lives, and our choice to extensively engage in it, has created and reshaped our relationships. Don't you agree?
We need to start to remember "as the web becomes increasingly socialized, saturated with our personal information, now might be a good time to stop and remember that we define our relationships, not any website's limited information architecture" (Jed Brubaker)
I know this looks long but I swear it is really interesting!
I want you to first take time to think about what life was like before internet, cell phones and even home phones (perhaps for some of you this may be hard). People made plans months in advance through the mail and only really kept in touch with those who lived near them. It’s unbelievable how much things have changed in the technological revolution. For example, when cell phones first came out, there was a new expectation in the degree of allowance for someone to be late. Before cell phones, half an hour was the allotted amount of time without the other person being upset that they didn’t call. Now, with the use of cell phones it is eleven minutes; according to a radio talk show. This increase was just the beginning of many new expectations of actions in relationships. The internet has the ability to connect the entire world simultaneously. With a capability like that it is no surprise that social marketing and instant messaging sites have taken off and that it has had an overwhelming affect on the nature of relationships.
First lets look at Facebook's affect on our friendships:
With the new cool act of joining social marketing sites, friends start to expect more from friends whom they wouldn’t normally consider close friends. For example, the birthday application on Facebook creates an expectation that everyone who wishes you “happy birthday” is clearly a good friend, and those who don’t log onto Facebook that day you now have put your friendship at risk. It appears as though the line between friends, and close friends has been blurred together and we start to expect everyone in those categories to wish us a Happy Birthday (not to mention when it is your birthday the number of posts you get can also dictate your popularity). We have also started to rely on Facebook or cell phones for important information, like birthdays, emails, and phone numbers instead of genuinely remembering them. So it appears as though Facebook and cell phones have broadened the boundaries of who we call “friends”. Or as I think of it, they have desensitized our feelings towards our friends. Here is an example where we can question the definition "Facebook friend": my friend’s Facebook page was jokingly changed and one of the pranks involved changing her birthday to that current day. So many of her so called “friends”, do the important friend task, they logged on Facebook , saw it was her birthday today on their news feed and wrote on her wall wishing her the best birthday ever! She had around 20 posts of “friends” genuinely wishing her a happy birthday, although there was at least a few who knew it wasn’t really her birthday. What does this say about friendship? What we used to consider when we thought of friends should at least involve a minimum of remembering your birthday right? Because of our curiosity and for others our love of gossip, Facebook has provoked us to consider certain people “friends” that we wouldn’t normally. Lets be real, how many of us have friends on Facebook that you have only met once, have never really talked too or even possibly never met? We now have started to judge the quality or value of someone's friendship with the number of times they write on your wall or comment on your status. Facebook sparks jealousy as well which means more expectations. With the news feed application your friends can see conversations you have with other friends, and because of this they can see how many times you comment on their wall over other friends, or if you write others back before writing back to them. Your status is another prime give-away to friends that you've been online and not replied to them.
The next example I want to concentrate on with regards to friends and Facebook has to do with the number of friends you have. Most of the people I know have 400 plus "friends". You can't genuinely keep in touch with 400 people in my opinion. I know I'm guilty of too although I have recently went through my friends list and deleted those who I really didn't know, and kept some that I still didn't know but enjoyed seeing their pictures! This example I want to share was found in the New York Times in the Opinion section where this man writes about how proud of his number of online friends he had so he decided to throw a party and invite them all. Needless to say only 1 showed up and it was a relatively awkward situation.
Here is also a YouTube users response to this journal which falls completely in sync with my discussion:
It goes to show that social networking sites are reshaping our definition of friends, as well as creating these new expectations or increasing expectations in our friendships.
Now turning to MSN and other instant messaging applications:
These have also increased expectations in friendships by creating an atmosphere of constant contact. When your online friends often expect you to reply, and take offence or feel you’re ignoring them if you don’t (even if it is just that you stepped away from the computer). We always want our friends to know that we are there for them and listen when they need to vent, but instant messaging programs and social networking sites have taken this expectation in a friendship to a new level. A level where friends want you to be there "now" and receive feedback "now", where before this would be a once in awhile occurrence. I would also like to question the use of Appear Offline in the MSN status options? It seems like this category is a way to hide from friends, and only talk to the ones you want to, when you want. I guess MSN felt they needed to come up with a way to help people avoid getting into so much trouble with not responding to friends...
This image is a great example of the changes in expectations of friendships thanks to new technology!
I want to leave you guys with a couple questions:
How many friends do you have on Facebook and how many of them do you consider friends outside of Facebook?
Do you agree with me that social media sites and applications have increased or created expectations in our friendships? And can you think of other ways that I may have overlooked?
Maybe we should all reconsider what makes someone a good friend...
